1. You must have nothing better to do than put your thoughts into minimal and simplistic lists.
2. Your readers are people who think literally every single piece of writing applies to them because of one word in a sentence.
3. That white space is really, really, REALLY big to fill up, isn’t it?
4. There apparently is no elegant way to construct your thoughts and thus you must put numbers before them.
5. Maybe you just like the crisp clean look of bullet point lists….oh okay, you’re going to make a paragraph, nope it keeps going…sigh.
6. On the above, you must not understand the point of bullet points and lists if you’re making them into two paragraphs-worth.
7. I’m thinking by now I may be reading your outline and you were too lazy to format your thoughts properly?
8. Skipping sentences in your lists is easy as few of them have any real meat.
9. Your basic formula is something like this: “such and such trait is great/wrong to have” followed by two or more sentences of your erroneous, immature opinions.
10. You probably could have stopped here but feel you must elaborate on whatever pointless subject of your choosing.
11. You’re whining and terrible grammar is going to drive me insane. Literally. Because apparently literally means whatever you want it to mean.
12. Insert flimsy, airy, super-mushy quote here.
13. Let me tell you all about the mundane things of my life and act like they’re super hip.
14. Brag about myself for the next few lines: check.
15. I clearly know everything so you should read through my list I created. Right now.
16. My self-esteem is validated thanks to you readers who suffer through my long, obnoxious lists.
17. Everything is literal, like literally I could write lists all day. Literally.
18. Wait, did I repeat myself? Yup pretty sure I said that in line “x” at the beginning.
19. Life is all about impressing people and conforming: here’s how to think just like me.
20. You’re starting to run out of things to talk about ergo you begin whining about relationships, weather, people, etc.
21. For the nth time, making lists is not an effective tool to express “deep” thoughts.
22. You do not know anything about relationships, particularly if you can put your thoughts only in list format.
23. You expect an award because you have an epiphany of what growing up is about and realizing your melodrama was all for naught.
24. Being a responsible adult is tough, you know, making all those lists and such…
25. Annnd for the finale…life is short, get over obsessing about other people’s lives and get the frack outside and appreciate it.
*Bonus points if you know why I picked the number 25*